This month’s article was written with the help of ATI Head Coach Mike Haley.
We are always aspiring to get or have what the other person has. Whether that’s material things like a bigger home, newer car and the latest motorcycle or boat. Maybe it’s a better relationship with our spouse or significant other. Or a better relationship with our children, parents or friends. Maybe it’s to look better by getting in shape or losing weight. We read the how-to book and/or take a class. Sometimes we hire a trainer/coach to help us obtain these. Most of the time we don’t reach the outcome we desire. We get frustrated, tired and give up and wonder what went wrong. We think to ourselves “I know how to get it,” but it didn’t happen. Did I miss a step or was it something or someone who kept me from reaching my goal?
I’ve been blessed to help countless people obtain their goals. I believe there are a tremendous number of resources that give us the nuts and bolts on how to get what we want. What we don’t have is what’s keeping me from getting what I want. Why did I or am I failing at getting what I want? I would like you to hear ATI Head Coach, Mike Haley, explain some of his ideas of why that is:
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| If you would like a document to help give you a visual aid of what voices are currently at your table and the voices you would like to invite to sit at your table, for a limited time you can simply go to www.ationlinetraining.com/2019-01. |
What I want you to know is this is not the typical article talking auto shop. I’m talking about the inner working of you and what makes you do what you do. Let’s call this the “inside you.” The part of you that thinks. The part that has fears, has likes and dislikes. The part that has desires and dreams and makes up your personality. This “inside you” is what is causing you to do or not do whatever it is. If the “inside you” is not healthy, mature and complete, this could be causing you internal conflict, which results in external conflict. Would you agree most people have stresses and are struggling with relationships or goals in their life? You can’t even put a picture of puppies on your Facebook page without somebody hating it. When the “inside you” is not healthy, you are unable to help yourself or the people around you. A friend once said, “What happens when you put two broken people together? It makes lawyers rich, homes and businesses dysfunctional and children scared!” If you are going to fix external relationships and stay on course with getting what you want, you need to fix the “inside you” first.
Let’s start with the first thing when it comes to obtaining goals. Having a strong foundation is key. You need to know where you are starting from. Think of it like a GPS. The only way it can take you to where you want to go is to also know where you currently are. I would also add you need to start from the right place. What I mean by the right place is within you. Take a brake job as an example. You could start from a disinterested place and do a simple pad slap. Unfortunately, the brakes will probably squeal, the rotors will eventually warp, and the caliper is likely to bind. Not giving us, the technician or the customer the job they had envisioned. Failing to perform the correct brake service from the beginning will not give us the result we want. So, I would ask what is it you want? A pad slap or the best brake job possible? It all starts within you. You on a solid foundation. If not you will become frustrated, unsettled and probably begin putting band aids over bullet holes. Now the question becomes where do I start to look on the inside then?
There are three areas of the “inside you” that I feel hold you back, and I would like to discuss them.
Carrying hurts from the past
Some of us do a great job suppressing them and forgetting about them and don’t even realize it’s there. You remember the infidelity. You remember the friend that was disloyal to you. Remembering when the customer took advantage of you or when your employee let you down. You keep a deep insecurity. Fearful the worst is always going to happen, so you stay guarded, not letting anyone into the “inside you.” In many cases you’re not even aware of your insecurities because you have carried these hurts for so long. Or you will heighten expectations. There is a saying “all frustrations stem from unmet expectations.” You keep a deep insecurity.
Discontent in the present
We are told “never be satisfied with nothing.” We need to get bigger, stronger and shinier. As soon as you get it, that thing becomes obsolete so now you need to get a new something. This keeps us unsettled and causes us to look over the fence at what the Joneses have. That’s why the car you have is not good enough. The home you have is not big enough. Your business is not what you want it to be. It can even go deeper in that the relationships you are in don’t satisfy you anymore. The friends you have aren’t doing it for you, so you want new friends. This wanting and needing goes on and on. This one is like a runaway train in our culture. You end up cultivating a restlessness that is toxic. You’re never content and never satisfied and so become never steadfast. This discontent also causes insecurities with the people around you. They don’t know what you’re going to do and when you’re going to do it. Are you going to stop talking to a friend? Are you going to ask for that separation/divorce? Will you change the way you approach your business?
It could be anxiety about the future
You’re fearful that your business or relationships will never get better. You’re never going to get out of debt. My employees will never change. You are convinced the best is behind you and the worst is in front of you. This gives you anxiety and you become a control freak. You try to control everything. You try to control your family, friends and employees. You white-knuckle everything. That only ends up taxing and pushing people away. It’s not a free environment and it’s a one-way relationship.
These are the things “inside you” that cause it not to work on the outside you. Are these three voice examples currently “inside you” and are they the voices you are listening to daily? You invite them to have a seat at your inside table. The voices end up determining your choices. The voices you listen to the most determine the direction you will go. For some of us “carry hurts from the past” are always invited to sit at our table. They remind you about the time you got burnt or when you were let down. The reason you were left vulnerable and how you can never let your guard down. For others it’s inviting “discontent” to have a seat at your table. That voice is always telling you the grass is greener on the other side. It’s time to move on, it’s time to scratch that itch. For some of us it’s giving in to listening to “anxiety.” You live in fear and insecurity and you’re full of anxiousness. So, you try to control everything. You’re always listening to the voice of anxiety.
When you look at why you can’t achieve your goals it’s because you are listening to the wrong voices. When you see people who are obtaining their goals, they are always happy and in healthy relationships. It’s not because they are lucky or listened to Tony Robbins that morning. I truly believe it’s because they have pushed the wrong voices out and invited the right voices to the table. Some of you are probably asking “So, who do I invite to sit down at my table?” I would suggest you invite faith, hope and passion.
As we determine what we truly want we then need to change who has a reservation at our table. You need to no longer allow “carrying hurts from the past” to have a seat at your table. No longer will “discontent” have a seat at your table. No more can “anxiety about the future” have a seat at your table. If you don’t change the reservations at your table no one else will. It must come from within you. You need to decide that you will no longer allow hurt to have a seat at your table. You realize you don’t have to dwell about what happened in the past and the pain it has caused. You need to remove hurt and invite faith to come sit at the table. Decide that you will listen to faith/hope and try to see the end from the beginning. That you truly believe good things come to people who let go of what people have done to you in the past and forgive. Tell “discontent” you no longer have a seat at my table. You are being replaced with hope. Hopeful of what the future can bring. What is possible with steadfast work. Anxiety, you are no longer invited to my table. You are being replaced with passion/love. We are no longer going to live fear-stricken lives. With passion/love we will have the strength and energy to see what we want to the end. Passion/love will drive out anxiety. If you want a different outcome you need to listen to different “inside voices.” Getting what you want won’t work with toxic thinking. To live high you must dig low. Everything we build starts with our foundation. For some of us the foundation is the voices we listen to daily.
I hope this article gives you some insight into why you are not getting what you want. I challenge you to become aware of the “inside voices” and to remove the voices that are keeping you from getting what you truly want. Start to invite the “inside voices” that reinforce and drive you to all your wants and dreams.
If you would like a document to help give you a visual aid of what voices are currently at your table and the voices you would like to invite to sit at your table, for a limited time you can simply go to www.ationlinetraining.com/2019-01.
