This month’s article was written with the help of ATI Head Coach Mike Haley.
We are always aspiring to get or have what the other person has. Whether that’s material things like a bigger home, newer car and the latest motorcycle or boat. Maybe it’s a better relationship with our spouse or significant other. Or a better relationship with our children, parents or friends. Maybe it’s to look better by getting in shape or losing weight. We read the how-to book and/or take a class. Sometimes we hire a trainer/coach to help us obtain these. Most of the time we don’t reach the outcome we desire. We get frustrated, tired and give up and wonder what went wrong. We think to ourselves “I know how to get it,” but it didn’t happen. Did I miss a step or was it something or someone who kept me from reaching my goal?
I’ve been blessed to help countless people obtain their goals. I believe there are a tremendous number of resources that give us the nuts and bolts on how to get what we want. What we don’t have is what’s keeping me from getting what I want. Why did I or am I failing at getting what I want? I would like you to hear ATI Head Coach, Mike Haley, explain some of his ideas of why that is:
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What I want you to know is this is not the typical article talking auto shop. I’m talking about the inner working of you and what makes you do what you do. Let’s call this the “inside you.” The part of you that thinks. The part that has fears, has likes and dislikes. The part that has desires and dreams and makes up your personality. This “inside you” is what is causing you to do or not do whatever it is. If the “inside you” is not healthy, mature and complete, this could be causing you internal conflict, which results in external conflict. Would you agree most people have stresses and are struggling with relationships or goals in their life? You can’t even put a picture of puppies on your Facebook page without somebody hating it. When the “inside you” is not healthy, you are unable to help yourself or the people around you. A friend once said, “What happens when you put two broken people together? It makes lawyers rich, homes and businesses dysfunctional and children scared!” If you are going to fix external relationships and stay on course with getting what you want, you need to fix the “inside you” first.
Let’s start with the first thing when it comes to obtaining goals. Having a strong foundation is key. You need to know where you are starting from. Think of it like a GPS. The only way it can take you to where you want to go is to also know where you currently are. I would also add you need to start from the right place. What I mean by the right place is within you. Take a brake job as an example. You could start from a disinterested place and do a simple pad slap. Unfortunately, the brakes will probably squeal, the rotors will eventually warp, and the caliper is likely to bind. Not giving us, the technician or the customer the job they had envisioned. Failing to perform the correct brake service from the beginning will not give us the result we want. So, I would ask what is it you want? A pad slap or the best brake job possible? It all starts within you. You on a solid foundation. If not you will become frustrated, unsettled and probably begin putting band aids over bullet holes. Now the question becomes where do I start to look on the inside then?
There are three areas of the “inside you” that I feel hold you back, and I would like to discuss them.
Carrying hurts from the past
Some of us do a great job suppressing them and forgetting about them and don’t even realize it’s there. You remember the infidelity. You remember the friend that was disloyal to you. Remembering when the customer took advantage of you or when your employee let you down. You keep a deep insecurity. Fearful the worst is always going to happen, so you stay guarded, not letting anyone into the “inside you.” In many cases you’re not even aware of your insecurities because you have carried these hurts for so long. Or you will heighten expectations. There is a saying “all frustrations stem from unmet expectations.” You keep a deep insecurity.