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The commercial makes me think of how I deal with my personal Sasquatches — how I compete, humiliate or try to make them look bad and how I try to avoid vengeful retaliation. My Sasquatches are the retail giants of the automotive aftermarket. Their presence in your marketplace might seem menacing, but unlike the folklore-fabled angry disposition of a Sasquatch, the giants of retail are very tame. Outbursts of outlandish behavior are not in their character, and instead of revenge, your biggest concern is the omnipresent huge advertising budget that independent jobbers will never be able to overcome. However, they do possess a few similar characteristics to our central character. This is where my story begins, and it has very little to do with traipsing throughout wooded Appalachia looking for monsters.
Because we are an auto parts jobber with a 7-bay service center attached, we do occasionally purchase a few items from the local Yeties in order to finish a job on time or in an emergency situation. Some of our purchases have cores, and therefore must be returned for core credit. Most typical garages would simply allow the delivery driver to pick these items up, but not me. I want to return them in person, and for several reasons. Chiefly, this is my opportunity to mess with Sasquatch — price-shop merchandise, see who’s in the store, witness operational procedures and generally make everyone in the building uncomfortable with my presence. Usually, I have ample time to do all of these things because the retailers still trip over their feet when it comes to the simplest of things like a core return.
During one such core return/finding Bigfoot adventure, it became very apparent to me that the things independent jobbers are very good at doing don’t even seem to factor in to how retailers handle their customers. I’m standing in the middle of an automotive retailer watching everything, and in particular a battery sale. Now, I’m not the most famous person in my town, but people know me and my statuesque form elicits attention. Some people questioned what I was doing there, some hid in the corners of the store thinking I didn’t notice them cheating on my business and others began asking questions about what I thought was wrong with their vehicle, all the while I continued to watch the ongoing battery sale. The counterman presented the customer with two battery choices — one right and one wrong for the application. Luckily, the customer picked the correct one. As the counterman went to get the battery, she said hello to me and then explained, “My husband just told me to stop here.” She felt compelled to explain herself.
The counterman returned, lugging a heavy battery and plunked it on the counter, causing the lady to exclaim, “That seems awfully big!” She then told the counterman that she wanted to go with the other option instead. Not so happily, the counterman obliged and the installation process began. A few minutes later, I was still waiting on my core return when back inside came the installer and the customer. The customer looked at me and said, “It was that big ole battery after all!” Small battery returned, big battery once again retrieved, and the process of installation started over again as the counterman gave me a stern look. As the lady was leaving the store, she told me, “All they had to do was look at it first, you know!” Yep. I knew.
Still waiting on my core returns, another customer came in carrying in a battery core, and I commented that the battery he was bringing back looked hardly used. He said that it was only in the car for a few hours; he purchased the battery while travelling. I suggested he have the battery tested to make sure it’s bad. The installer returned, obviously overhearing our conversation, and told the customer that his new battery had been installed. The customer insisted on having the battery checked, and guess what? It was fine; it just needed to be charged. The customer looked between me and the installer, then asked to return the newly installed battery, and be referred to a local shop to have the older battery charged.
The counterman refunded his money and referred him to our shop for diagnosis. The Cheshire cat could not outshine the sheen of pearly whites displayed on my face. Their customer, now my customer, said he’d see me over at my shop. “You’d think they would have checked that first,” he said, referencing the battery charge, as he exited the store. Yep. You certainly would think.
Still waiting, I heard one of the countermen ask assistance from the employee writing my core returns. “Hang on,” he exclaimed. “I’m trying to get these cores written up and Mark out of here.” I could swear I heard the entire staff in unison think, “BY ALL MEANS, GET MARK OUT OF HERE!”
On the drive back to my shop, I mulled over the previous events and came to the following conclusion: retail customers at retail stores pay more attention to the advertising and window dressing and fully expect to get retail-type service. Furthermore, it’s a very non-confrontational environment. Not too many questions asked, few questionable opinions given, and a “We will return anything for any reason” attitude. The actual Sasquatch is indeed the advertising monster, and not the people or the business practice. Retailers, by in large, are cute, furry guinea pigs with a scary-huge advertising budget.
From now on, I’m getting a big bag of beef jerky before I go hang out with my Sasquatches for any type of return. Many of you, I am sure, have experienced something similar while visiting any competitor. If you are an independent jobber and walk into a retail store, you become the center of attention for the staff and a big hit with the customers, as well. At this point, I’m not sure who the real Sasquatch is, but I sure like beef jerky, can always beat my competition to a pulp and my wife complains that I am indeed a hairy ape. Hmmm.
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